it never stops...

i have returned to a season of insecurity.
i'm taking this semester off from school, against my better judgement. something inside tells me that ultimately, it's probably not the best idea... but after talking it through with my mother, i've realized that it is what is best for me right now. i'm mentally, emotionally, and financially drained. i need some rest. although i will (hopefully) be working full time, it's a different application of my energies.
part of me even wonders if i'm just not meant to get a degree... maybe i'm one of those people who will never finish school, but will be happy and be able to get by... the truth is, i'm an artist. i don't need a degree to make me what i already am. Everybody keeps asking me, condescendingly, "you don't want to work at Starbucks your whole life, do you?" and i'm like well... i dunno. what if i do? what if i want to make your coffee and paint for the rest of my life? is that a crime? i enjoy the simpler things in life...and i wish my life, in general, were simpler.
which brings me to my housing situation... my lease is up next month, and my roommates are disbursing. so i either need to find people to take their places, or i need to find a place to live. As i'm looking for a place to live, i keep thinking... i need to downsize. i need to get rid of my excessive material possession that keeps me from being able to just pick up and move. Yes, i want to have what i need... my easel included...but i also don't want to have excess. it's time to throw stuff away. keeping things for sentimental purposes is almost unnecessary... i have those memories embedded in my heart, i don't need to hold onto a ticket stub or a scrap of paper to remember. With my newfound free time, i'm going to explore the world of simplicity.
simplicity, and the Lord. i've not fully left him...just tried to hide from him in my circumstantial happiness. but when those circumstances start to change, i remember the most important aspect of my life that never changes. God has always provided for me. financially, emotionally, spiritually... i'm a wanderer. it's not that i don't know what's right for me... i just have a hard time staying on track. i need to realign every now and then.

anyhow. so, once again, i'm in a place where nothing is secure or certain...but once again God has given me a peace about it. I'm not worried. Even if it comes down to the wire and i still haven't found a place to live, i know enough people that love me and will house me until an opportunity opens up.