sense-lacking-fragmented-brain-fries

i never blog. sorry for those of you who actually check (carin).

i think i would blog more if i could just draw pictures. by the end of the day, i just don't have the words left.

December Harrison Ave. Marketplace was tonight. it went really well... my volunteers have overrun my kids corner booth, and i seriously did nothing during the event. Granted i spent most of the afternoon setting up, but didn't have to stay and paint faces or make ornaments or deal with spoiled children who want their entire body painted and want to make 75 zillion ornaments. anyway. i walked around with merri kay, bought some christmas presents, and enjoyed some eats and drinks. it was actually really nice-- not nearly as stressful as past Marketplaces.

i got all A's this semester. i'm pretty stoked, i won't lie. my drawing teacher said i have a lot of talent and she really enjoys my work, my painting teacher said the same thing in addition to telling me that two of my paintings were the best in the class (and that he expected to see me and my work in advanced painting classes), myenglish teacher told me i didn't even need to take his class because i was obviously already beyond the curriculum (but UNO required me to take it), and my women's studies teacher said she really liked my writing and artwork on our last group project. I mean, i impressed everybody this semester... and to think i was worried about my grades.

well... i was going to include pictures of my artwork, but i keep clicking on the "add image" button and nothing is happening. good. great. wonderous. whatever. nobody actually cares.

what other worthless information can i pass on...
oh, let's talk about the fact that my face looks like a warzone. talk about acne... i mean, i've always had acne. but it's suddenly gone out of control. like, painfully out of control-- and i don't just mean emotionally. i keep getting these clusters of acne on my jawline and it HURTS really bad. i hate it. i want to rip my skin off. there are some mornings i don't even want to get out of bed. as much as i want to meet a guy, i don't even look because my skin is horrible and nobody wants to look at that.
i mean, i've gotten over the fact that i've gained 35 pounds since i've moved here: whatever. i'm going to start going to a pilates studio down the street when i get back from my St. Louis furlough. but i'm not going to diet, i'll tell ya that right now. dieting is for the birds. there's too much freakin' delicious food here to diet.
but my FACE! MY FACE IS DAMAGING MY SOUL. Merri Kay says she doesn't even notice it... i say hello? do you have EYES? i mean... maybe it's not as bad as i think it is... but it is bad. what can i do?? i know i should drink more water, that's one thing. but i'm taking a skin and hair vitamin, i wash my face twice a day, and i use a good skin care system. i mean... what the heck??
does smoking cause acne?
maybe i should quit smoking. again.
but i'm not up for that. again.

i thought about cutting myself the other night. for no particular reason. i thought, i should try it... just once... see what it feels like now. yeah, wow. haven't had a thought like that in years. YEARS. satan is attacking me so bad in so many ways. all of my former addictions are haunting me. satan, you're a punk! don't you know jesus lives in this heart? GET. OUT.

my love for the band Cursive has totally been revived.

i'm reading Prophet by Frank Peretti.

i have the biggest stash of chocolate i've ever had. and i keep forgetting about it.

i don't really want to stay in St. Louis for almost 3 weeks.

my mom told me somehow she might have 1700 dollars for my spring tuition, but wouldn't tell me how or where it came from. that's bothersome.



i love new orleans so much. i'm so glad God brought me here. He totally knows what He's doing... thank goodness, because i sure as heck don't.