"Louie Louie, oh no me gotta go, Aye-yi-yi-yi!"

This is Louie.

Louie was one of Will and Mitchell's Christmas presents.
Louie is only a few months old.
Louie is small enough to fit in my purse.
Louie is absolutely adorable.

but...

Louie is not house trained.
Louie does not know when it is ok to bark and when to stop.
Louie does not even know his own name.
and nobody asked me if i was ok with Louie.

I guess that's what it all boils down to ... i mean, i LOVE animals-- anyone who knows me at all knows that i am a sucker for a cute fuzzy something. But here's my big problem: I am the caretaker for this family 50% of the time. When decisions about changes in lifestyle arise, i would like to have at least 50% of a voice in the matter, whether my opinion changes the outcome or not. It's not about me having my way, it's about being recognized for who i am in the family-- essentially, a mother figure. Since the beginning i have been accepted as family, let in on family secrets and stories and the works... but not being asked but TOLD about this change in my living and working environment is a little painful. i'm really just hurt that, in the instant when Bill made this decision, i was no longer family, but the nanny who lives here and makes sure stuff gets done. That probably wasn't the thought process at all-- but that's kind of how i feel. I mean, essentially, he's just given me another child to care for, only this one's a BABY: make sure he makes it outside to potty, clean up his messes when he doesn't, make sure he stays out of trouble... i've got to establish feeding and potty schedules, discipline him, and make sure the boys aren't reversing my disciplinary actions... Not to mention he's a HUGE distraction to Will. I mean, it's hard to get that kid focused ANYWAY-- and now all he wants to do is play with Louie...

Geeze i sound like my mother. Now i know how she felt all those times i asked for dogs and fish and hamsters and whatevers...
This is God showing his sense of humor is what it is: placing me in a motherly position for two children that are very similar to my sisters, and then giving me all these little parental trials, saying "this is for giving your mom a hard time...THIS is for thinking you knew how to be a better parent than your mother... oh, and this one is just funny."

i'm trying so hard just to enjoy it. Hopefully we'll have some kind of something worked out before Bill leaves a week from Tuesday. And i need to not think about myself... i'm probably just being selfish. *count it all joy, count it all joy, count it all joy...*

[[we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor]]

Are you tired of dreaming about your ex-boyfriend every night? Sick of waking up thinking you're pregnant--again? Wish you could just have dreams of watching yourself sleep?

...yeah, me too. Just don't watch Harry Potter before you go to bed-- that definitely doesn't help.

[[and now back to our feature presentation]]

Classes start tomorrow. Which means i should actually be asleep already, but... too bad so sad. When Bill's home he normally puts the boys to bed, but he had to run out to the boys' grandparents' house (an hour away) to pick up Will's medicine, which he accidentally left there over the weekend-- so i had to make sure the kids were showered and in bed, etc. Well, after an arduous bath/shower time, i read a devotion to the boys, prayed, and tucked them in. Then i did yoga, took a shower, and the next thing i know it was 12. baaaaaa. oh well.

i'm excited to start class tomorrow, though. i know it'll be all the preliminary meet-your-teacher-get-your-syllabus-do-stupid-paperwork-and-surveys classes for the first few days, but, i'm still excited to get back into the swing of things. i'm supposed to meet with the two other Campus Crusade leaders this week to figure out when we're gonna do weekly prayer meetings and bible studies and on-campus events this semester... not to mention i need to get to work on 2 paintings that i've commissioned myself to do (and would like to have done before i'm back in STL again in February so that they can tag along and find good little homes). It's a good thing i had a long, fun, sleep-filled break... because tomorrow is the beginning of a jam-packed-no-sleep-lots-of-work-at-home-and-at-school-all-the-time couple of months.

i gotta start reading my bible more: i'm gonna need it.
i'm out like a light.

PS. i've been thinking... i haven't been on a date since this summer. i haven't been on a date with someone other than a pervert or a stalker since way before that. i haven't really dated in 2 years and some months. and i've decided... i really want to go on a date!
... or at least have a date to emily's wedding.
something.