So... i'm writing a book.

Yes, you read correctly. I am writing a book. Apparently i don't have to have a degree in anything to feel called to write... thanks for believin' in me (and scaring the shit out of me), God.
Anyway, the book is titled "For the Artists' Wayward Soul." I haven't really developed anything that appears to be a book yet... just a lot of notes and journaled thoughts and such. But i thought i would post some of those random snip-its. I've definitely started looking up applicable scripture, but have yet to intertwine it.

So... here we go...

***
I browse row after row of books, wanting so badly to find exactly what I need. To find a book that says something about an Artists' soul. But it's never there.
The shelves are packed with plenty of books for mothers, single women, sports fanatics, teens... all directing the readers to their soul needs and purpose. There's even a small collection of books pertaining to the use of art as worship-- reiterating over and over that we as artists have been given "the gift of creativity," and only sometimes acknowledging the fact that it's not merely a "gift," but a dominant trait inherited 100% from God. And I absolutely cannot forget to mention the elite, radical few books that genuinely challenge the Christian artist to expand far beyond the small world of coined "Christian" art
It's not that I don't appreciate those authors' insights and time spent to further inspire fellow Christians… but I think it’s time for more. Time for complete honesty, vulnerability, and raw reality.

…


ARTISTS ARE PASSIONATE. Have you ever noticed that people are attracted to artists? Not just he college guys in hoodies and Birkenstocks with their guitars, strumming out the same three chords to woo the ladies… but the artists. The musician that composes music because there are no words to rightfully express his feelings. The painter who drops out of college to have more time for her art because it’s the only thing that really makes sense. The dancer who cries after hours of practicing, not out of pain, but from the overload of emotions she has just endured.
ARTISTS ARE PASSIONATE. It’s a blessing and a curse… while it is passion that drives us-- fuels our creativity, floods the brain with emotion, opinion, and ideas-- it is also the source of our spiritual downfall. As passionate people, we open the door for sin to come meandering.
The very definition of “passion” has a very widespread meaning. We use this singular word to describe intense and compelling feelings such as hate and love. Then there’s “passion” in the erotic sense: propensity toward sexual love, lust, and restless desire. But then Webster’s lists “passion” in a theological context as a general reference to the sufferings of Christ leading up to and on the cross. It almost seems as if somewhere along the way, they (whoever “they” are) could have made up a new word to separate the erotic “passion” from the Jesus -suffering “passion.” I mean, really. Those two topics should never cross paths. …or should they?
Think about the emotion that drives lust-- that fiery, intense desire toward another person. If you’ve never experienced it, it’s hard to express. It’s like someone has taken over your brain, and all you can think about is that person. But not just that person-- you and that person. It’s almost like a complete loss of mental control. The brain and the heart just take that fiery desire and run, leaving your moral being in the dust muttering something about how you shouldn’t and that… whatever. You stopped listening anyway.
So. Right. Think about that emotion-- that gripping, mind-altering, uncontainable, thriving THRILL.
And then think about the sufferings of Christ. I know, it’s probably insanely uncomfortable…but really. The two actually belong together. Not just because thinking of Jesus, bloody and dying on the cross, will halt your lustful self in its tracks, but because the same enthralling emotion is there in that suffering. Christ took a world full of sin to that cross. He not only felt the incessant temptation we feel in moments of erotic passion, but the painful, heart breaking endings to succumbing to lust. There were a hell of a lot of intense, overwhelming, and powerful emotions that followed him to that cross.

PASSION is Christ’s suffering.
PASSION is zeal, for whatever it is God has put in your heart.
PASSION is the propensity for LOVE.

…and artists are absolutely FULL of it.
***

That's all the comprehensible content i have at the moment... the rest are still only scribbled thoughts splattered across a half-dozen pages in an unlined journal.
But i'm SO excited about it. I really feel God with me when i'm writing... when i re-read some of my notes it almost feels like i'm reading the idea for the first time, instead of re-reading an idea of my own. It's so thrilling and encouraging to feel God working through me.

Please pray for me, though. I've already started to feel the effects of doing something for God... the unavoidable spiritual warfare. I've had moments of inexplicable, overwhelming fear and anxiety... and, of course, the endless temptation to fall into old habits. It's interesting writing about the Artists' Wayward Soul... but a little dangerous at the same time.