any time now i could get a phone call... it may be cliche, but it really is like waiting for the axe to fall. i'm anxious and sad and hate that there's nothing i can do to make a difference. i can't even imagine what my aunt and uncle and his twin Jason are going through... not to mention his wife and kids.
i wish i could be there with the family. i want to be with all of them. i want to say goodbye to him. i want to tell him that i wish we would've talked more. i want to tell him that i love him...
i hate this. i hate feeling like there's never enough time... but it's true. there's never ever enough time with the people we love. i need to stop thinking that people will always be there... start loving people as fully as i can.
i know that death isn't the end... but i'm so scared of losing people i love. i am absolutely terrified.
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